this is me

new blog.

2008-06-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

im growing up i suppose.
moved on to the wordpress.

lanawaites.wordpress.com

Back In Auburn.

2008-05-21T10:00:00.001-07:00

Being back in Auburn for the summer makes me oh so happy. I love this town in the summer. Some think its lonely, but I think its quite the opposite. There are only a handful (okay a few handfuls) of people here, so you end up hanging out with the same people all summer long... makes for great times getting to know people better.

We said goodbye to Gay Street. Some girls were on our front porch yesterday when I drove into town. I'm so sad to leave that place, to leave those people. There is nothing nothing nothing like porch time at that house. Nothing.

worst post ever.

2008-03-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is a horrible blog posting. However, I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I followed through with it regardless. I drove by Winn Dixie today, and the check mark really bothers me. Bothers me so much I wrote a blog about it. I need either: the short part of the check mark to not be 10 times as fat as the long part, or to be longer. One of the two. Please Mr. Dixie.

Dreamer.

2008-03-05T09:37:00.000-08:00

"Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can. No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man...
Imagine all the people, sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer, But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"

David Archuleta is my favorite American Idol contestant this season... partly because of the songs he chooses.

We're in this together.

2008-03-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

I have found that some of Satan's biggest tools in our lives are shame and feeling alone. Some of our deepest struggles, we feel alone in. It's easy to look at others and decide they seemingly have it together. But if we rid ourselves of pride, of insecurities, so that we are real, so that we could start something different in our community, so that darkness would no longer exist, so that deep struggles would be brought to the light, in order for freedom to be had, in order for authentic community to exist, in order for us to grasp the truthfulness of this statement:
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man." 1 Corinthians 10:13
There is freedom in knowing that we are not alone in our battles. If there had been no Rehab in the story of Joshua, how different would the story be? Those individuals we are surrounded by are present for a reason. We are all in this together.

Trusting.

2008-03-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

"For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:8

Am I the only one that has a difficult time completely trusting these words? Doesn't this call me to have full confidence that if I ask, I will receive? If these people that I care about so much are seeking answers and seeking to discover who the Lord is, they WILL find. I often times find myself doubting this. But today, I find myself trusting.

My heart.

2008-03-03T12:13:00.001-08:00

I cannot look at this picture without smiling. I can't look at any pictures of my students without smiling. I hope there is something that does the same thing to you. Before this summer, yes, I loved people... but never like this. If you haven't found that place makes your heart beat a little faster when you remember it, find it. My heart aches for these kids. Yes, it hurts at times, but I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything.

"and nations that do not know you will hasten you..." Isaiah 55:5

Urgency.

2008-02-27T15:53:00.001-08:00

Why is it more difficult to talk to our friends, family, co-workers, you fill in the blank, about Jesus than with a complete stranger? So many of us go on "mission trips" and live life so differently for those few days. We actually live as though it is our responsibility to tell those we meet about the Lord. We actually believe that it is our reason for being there. Isn't that true here? Now?

If I lived my life as though it was MY responsibility to make sure that each person I came in contact with experienced Jesus because of our interaction... oh how life would be different. I want to live that way. I want to live as though that is my sole purpose of being here in Cambridge right now sitting next to the guy I am sitting next to... or live as though my very purpose of working at Chappy's is to give my co-workers a glimpse of my Creator... or have conversations with my friends that remind them that He is the ONLY way. I want to live with more urgency to tell others, ALL others, around me that my God is Mighty to Save.

As I write this, I mean it. I really do want this. But, I wrote in my journal just a few moments ago that "my wants, desires, do not line up with my actions". I say I want this, I say I want to love all people, I say I want to glorify Him in every thing that I do, but my actions reflect otherwise. Reminds me of something...
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do I do." --Romans 7:15

Ripple Effect

2008-02-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

Whether we decide to pay for the next car's coffee in the Starbucks line, flick someone off that pulled out in front of us, choose to support a friend moving to China or decide not to call that person back... we affect those around us. Sometimes in great ways, sometimes in minute ways. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. It amazes me though how much effect we have on those around us.
Since B is leaving for China very shortly, I have noticed this a lot because I have been taken back by how much affect he has had on this place, on these people. The words that we speak, the lives that we live... are being watched by those around us and they WILL have an affect... we just determine what kind. I pray that I can leave a mark on a city like Biscuet has left here. Let us live our lives in such ways that bring people to know Christ, that cause people to see Jesus in us, that remind people that Christ in us means LOVE flows out of us.
I believe that if we live reminded constantly that the way we live affects the world around us, we would live differently.

My new obsession...

2008-02-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

... is Juliana Tokyo.
There is nothing like the volcano roll and I find myself eating there at least once a week these days.

But, on to more important things. I have been thinking about friendships a lot lately. Maybe its because one of my best friends is leaving in two weeks, who knows. But, I have been trying to pinpoint what it means, for me, to consider someone my friend. I think that I have narrowed it down to this: Experiencing life together. Sure there are random people that I see every couple of years that I may say are my "friend", but my true friends are those that if someone asked what they were up to, I would KNOW without a doubt a pretty accurate description on what there life consists of... not just some broad rendition. I hope that I never lose any of those friends that are in my life right now... the ones that I experience life with. I pray that never changes. Even if they are half a world away.

Talked to Ocean tonight. He cried and told me he was waiting patiently for my return to Hong Kong. I cannot put into words what that kid does to my heart...

Happy at Chappy's

2008-02-04T17:41:00.001-08:00

So a few weeks ago, I started working at Chappy's Deli... which I happen to love. I work Mon-Friday 7am-2pm. Yes, the 7am is tough at times, only when people are hanging out and I have to go to sleep. We all know how hard it is for me to be responsible when I could be hanging out! But, I have done surprisingly well with this whole going to bed early deal.
So my favorite employee at Chappy's would have to be Sam, the dishwasher. While scrapping nasty half eaten food in the trash can, he noticed my tattoo and asked what it meant. I said Yahweh and he followed with "so I am assuming you are a Christian". To be quite honest, while I said "yes" with what seemed to be no hesitation, there definitely was hesitation... I often find myself fearful of what others view "Christians" as. But that's another story...
He told me he was too, and then says "But, I sin a lot".
Last time I checked, we all did. This led into a wonderful conversation of how beautiful grace is and how thankful we are that we know grace instead of karma.
All in the Chappy's kitchen.

Dance.Dance.Revolution.

2008-01-05T00:49:00.000-08:00

Tonight we went back to beauty bar, my favorite place in the world as of now. This place is filled with people dancing alone...the kind of dancing one might do in the mirror in their room while blasting their stereo... you know the kind. No one cares. And I am a firm believer that this is good for the soul.

The "welcomeness" of austin leads me to fall inlove with this city. I cannot get over how much everyone wants to be your friend, wants to know something, anything, about you... regardless of how different or how alike you are. Even the guy at Amy's Icecream loved us. The gas station clerk wanted us to take his picture. I see more of how the Lord intended us to live in thus city, known as being a lost city, than in the bible belt od the U S of A. But we're bringin' it back. We have to. We have tasted and we have seen.

Austin, what's not to love?

2008-01-03T15:14:00.000-08:00

There is something about dancing alone that reminds me of the freedom we are intended to experience. Something about laughing while running in the freezing cold that reminds me of the joy that is meant to be ours. We are made for so much more. I want to love with every ounce of my being. All people. Myself. Every moment. Every car ride. Each conversation. I want to love, truly love, all of it. I allow for things to pass me by before I realize how much better it would have been, should have been if only I had been LOVING. I want to love everything life has to offer me, and I have hope, yes hope, that joy comes from that. My new years resolution: to experience heaven on earth. Through love, the freedom that comes with it, and the joy it brings.

Only He is capable.

2007-11-12T09:28:00.000-08:00

"The placebo effect is the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in health not attributable to an actual treatment.
When a treatment is based on a known inactive substance like a sugar pill, distilled water, or saline solution rather than having real medical value, a patient may still improve merely because their expectation to do so is so strong." --About.com

No healing actually takes place. Symptoms may be gone. But, healing, never occurs. I'm ready for the real thing.

After four years.

Where I spent my day.

2007-11-04T00:07:00.001-07:00

He met me in a hotel room.

2007-11-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

Solitude was needed. Clarification was a must. And intimacy with the Lord was past due.
Thus, I find myself in a hotel room in Columbus, for what some would call a "get away". As I sit here in this hotel room, I cannot help but be reminded of Blair. As I sit in this place, with such a lonely feeling that arrives upon walking into a fake "home"... my heart aches to think her life was ended in a place just like this one. Yet, being here, the Lord has reminded me that my hope is in HIM. And if ever my hope is in Him, it is in Him in the Blair situation as well. I cling to the hope that just as He is meeting me in this hotel room tonight, that somehow, He met her in that hotel room that night. Hope is defined as: to have confidence; trust. So, that is what I am doing. My confidence is in Him. I trust Him. Even with a situation that I do not understand, that I was so quick to lose my hope in.

Another post is probably on its way later tonight...

It is well with my soul.

2007-10-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

I had a friend pass away about a week and a half ago from a drug overdose. I cannot put into words the way I felt last week, and still today. Trusting that the Lord knows best is difficult during times like this. Trusting that His love is perfect love is not easy. But today, I listened to this song...

"...When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul..."

I am trusting. Trusting that regardless of the way I feel, regardless of the way I see things, regardless of what I "think" I can comprehend... I am finite. He is infinite. I am trusting that His will is THE perfect will. The way He chooses to do things, must be the best way. The depths of my soul know that somehow through this, the truths I knew 2 weeks ago are still truths today. I am being taught to say "it is well" for the mere fact that He is worthy of that.

Cookout.

2007-09-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

I love new friendships. All of them.

where is the love?

2007-09-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

"Yesterday it happened. Reality set in. I am back.
Living, actually living life with Big Jack, Small Jack, Wendy, Cynthia, Crystal, Bus, Annie, Ocean... will have to wait ten months. My heart aches for them, for them to know, truly know, how much I love them... which I have come to realize is impossible, my heart aches for them to know the Father like I do, for them to find their worth in Him alone.
I miss their innocent laughter, their silly jokes, the way they LOVED me, them ordering me food that I still am unsure of, the way I belonged there, the comfort of walking those streets, the way I lived life so intentionally... and the way I saw the Lord's face in it all. The way my sweet Wendy encouraged me daily, the way Jack said "Lana you beautiful today" every time I walked through the door, the way Kenny never failed to make me laugh, the way Ocean challenged me... but most importantly the way LOVE poured out into everything I did, every word I said...

I need Him to comfort me, but not dare allow me to get comfortable.
I need life here to be more meaningful, to pour into those around me, to love like I did in Hong Kong... to pour out His love like I did on my students. I desire to love the people around me NOW... but not lose the amount of love I have for those in Hong Kong. It comes down to this: I need love. To feel loved. To love others. To be consumed by love, to love where I am today, to love where I am walking, to love each and every face that I see, to love the things I am learning... I need love. He is love. I need Jesus."
--from my journal this morning.

It all clicked. What I miss the most is LOVE. I never experienced love like I did while I was in Hong Kong. Love for my team, love for my students. My prayer the entire time I was there was for every face I came in contact with to see the love of Christ in me, for his love to be poured out in EVERYthing that I did. That has not been a DAILY prayer since I got back...until today...