Only He is capable.

"The placebo effect is the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in health not attributable to an actual treatment.
When a treatment is based on a known inactive substance like a sugar pill, distilled water, or saline solution rather than having real medical value, a patient may still improve merely because their expectation to do so is so strong." --About.com

No healing actually takes place. Symptoms may be gone. But, healing, never occurs. I'm ready for the real thing.

After four years.

Where I spent my day.

He met me in a hotel room.

Solitude was needed. Clarification was a must. And intimacy with the Lord was past due.
Thus, I find myself in a hotel room in Columbus, for what some would call a "get away". As I sit here in this hotel room, I cannot help but be reminded of Blair. As I sit in this place, with such a lonely feeling that arrives upon walking into a fake "home"... my heart aches to think her life was ended in a place just like this one. Yet, being here, the Lord has reminded me that my hope is in HIM. And if ever my hope is in Him, it is in Him in the Blair situation as well. I cling to the hope that just as He is meeting me in this hotel room tonight, that somehow, He met her in that hotel room that night. Hope is defined as: to have confidence; trust. So, that is what I am doing. My confidence is in Him. I trust Him. Even with a situation that I do not understand, that I was so quick to lose my hope in.

Another post is probably on its way later tonight...

It is well with my soul.

I had a friend pass away about a week and a half ago from a drug overdose. I cannot put into words the way I felt last week, and still today. Trusting that the Lord knows best is difficult during times like this. Trusting that His love is perfect love is not easy. But today, I listened to this song...

"...When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul..."

I am trusting. Trusting that regardless of the way I feel, regardless of the way I see things, regardless of what I "think" I can comprehend... I am finite. He is infinite. I am trusting that His will is THE perfect will. The way He chooses to do things, must be the best way. The depths of my soul know that somehow through this, the truths I knew 2 weeks ago are still truths today. I am being taught to say "it is well" for the mere fact that He is worthy of that.

Cookout.

I love new friendships. All of them.

where is the love?

"Yesterday it happened. Reality set in. I am back.
Living, actually living life with Big Jack, Small Jack, Wendy, Cynthia, Crystal, Bus, Annie, Ocean... will have to wait ten months. My heart aches for them, for them to know, truly know, how much I love them... which I have come to realize is impossible, my heart aches for them to know the Father like I do, for them to find their worth in Him alone.
I miss their innocent laughter, their silly jokes, the way they LOVED me, them ordering me food that I still am unsure of, the way I belonged there, the comfort of walking those streets, the way I lived life so intentionally... and the way I saw the Lord's face in it all. The way my sweet Wendy encouraged me daily, the way Jack said "Lana you beautiful today" every time I walked through the door, the way Kenny never failed to make me laugh, the way Ocean challenged me... but most importantly the way LOVE poured out into everything I did, every word I said...

I need Him to comfort me, but not dare allow me to get comfortable.
I need life here to be more meaningful, to pour into those around me, to love like I did in Hong Kong... to pour out His love like I did on my students. I desire to love the people around me NOW... but not lose the amount of love I have for those in Hong Kong. It comes down to this: I need love. To feel loved. To love others. To be consumed by love, to love where I am today, to love where I am walking, to love each and every face that I see, to love the things I am learning... I need love. He is love. I need Jesus."
--from my journal this morning.

It all clicked. What I miss the most is LOVE. I never experienced love like I did while I was in Hong Kong. Love for my team, love for my students. My prayer the entire time I was there was for every face I came in contact with to see the love of Christ in me, for his love to be poured out in EVERYthing that I did. That has not been a DAILY prayer since I got back...until today...